Merry, Bloody Christmas

23 12 2007

Just one more sleep to go, my Dear Readers, until the time of joy and fun is upon us! The time to give and share and to enjoy. The time to eat until your sides are about to split and to drink Champagne at breakfast!

Unfortunately Christmas is also a time for all kinds of miserablists to find the ever more creative ways to spoil our fun. The latest attempt comes from the United Kingdom. Latte-sippers bible – the BBC, and the Australian arm of anti-imperial resistance – the ABC, report today that enviro-mentalist boffins from the University of Manchester have figured out that a traditional British turkey Christmas dinner for eight generates 20 kg (44lbs) of carbon emissions. The figure includes the production, processing and transportation costs of the festive ingredients.

Before you set on your merry way thinking: so what, it is only 20 kg? Think again! If the third of UK’s population has a typical Christmas meal, the combined emissions will be 51,000 tonnes or 6,000 around the world car journeys! Unfortunately they fail to mention if the above mentioned “car journeys” are the 1.3L WV Polo put-put rides or the 8L W16 Bugatti Veyron orgies of speed.

Professor Adisa Azapagic of Manchester University breaks down the carbon loading further:

Food production and processing are responsible for three quarters of the total carbon footprint, with the largest proportion – 60% – being related to the life cycle of the turkey.

60 percent! You filthy bird! Thanks Prof, this is exactly the reason why the bird must die! Imagine how much extra carbon would be generated if it wasn’t slaughtered.

The cranberry sauce alone, normally imported from North America, contributes half the carbon footprint related to transport.

North America… That’s them Bush-voting fast food fatties in the USA, right? The planet is already collapsing thanks to McDonalds burgers and now they have to unleash the environmental Holocaust of cranberry sauce?! Michael Moore should do a documentary about it.

I don’t know about you folks, but I am going to make sure I take special joy in devouring my gobbling paltry treat tomorrow. The boffins from Manchester Uni have just ensured that my Christmas turkey will be extra special this season. Merry Christmas!

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